Hellboy Review

Categories: Hellos With Fellows, Jarrod Edson

Hello everyone I see u have been sticking around for my Halloween themed reviews….today I want to do a review on a lesser-known hero…warning ⚠️…the 2019 remake has tons of gore and other stuff I won’t be mentioning…you have been warned.

 

Hellboy Review: so where to start…for u of those who don’t know who Hellboy is…he’s a lesser know superhero…he is part demon part human…he is all red and has one big red hand made of stone, and that hands works as a key to the underworld…and his horns are cut off…and he has a tale.

.and he has black hair and wears a man bun….anyway so his back story is that the Nazis hire a guy by the name Grigori Rasputin….and he dabbles in dark magic in sorts…and well they open the gate way to hell on a stormy night…while professor Bloom (played by the late John Hurt) and his soldiers are well seeing what Rasputin and the Nazis are doing…and with Rasputin he has his Nazi right-hand man named…Karl Ruprecht Kroenen…..and well he wears a black kinda gas looking mask…and wears a Nazi hat and has a black leather trench coat and has black gloves and  has blades come out of his sleeves…also this guy can’t die….I think he is immortal…and he looks badly deformed and scars under his outfit…heck he has no eyelids or lips….ur welcome for that…and as for Rasputin…he is just a bald guy that has a puffy brown beard and wears black robes that has some golden designs on it…anyway…Rasputin open hell up…and he gets sucked into hell…and Hellboy gets released without the Nazis knowing…when hellboy came out of hell he was just a baby…so Bloom took Hellboy under his own as his own kid…so now its many years later and Hellboy is now an adult…(played by Ron Perlman) and he works along side tbis group called the BPRD…..and he works along side a humanoid fish creature named Abe Sapien…..he wears special equipment around his neck that has water in it…because he can’t breathe without water…anyway…throughout the movie…Hellboy fights monsters…thats what the BPRD does…and Rasputin is brought back to life….and well Karl Ruprecht Kroenen stabs and kills Professor Bloom….right after he encounters Rasputin….and Hellboy falls in love with a girl…I forget her name….oh wait its…Helen….her secret abilities is she can set on fire….her and Hellboy are  Definitely meant for each other…and oh yeah Hellboy has a love for cats and candy bars….and cigars…..so by the end of the movie Hellboy does open the gates of hell but not by choice….and he well changes his mind and turns back good and accepts who he is …and he kills Rasputin…and if ur asking what happened to Rasputin right hand man…well Hellboy push the guy into whole filled with spears now he’s impaled and then he dropped a giant gear onto him so now he is stuck down there and squashed….so when Rasputin dies…a giant alien squid comes out of his chest and hellboy and the team fight it…and well both Helen and Hellboy kiss each other…the end….ok if ur wondering why this felt rushed…its because I forget the stuff that happened in between those scenes…its been almost 2 years since I’ve seen this film…and I still love it…I give it a solid 8/10…I do recommend….Del Toro…the guy in charge of this film is a great director and does great monster designs and character designs….

 

 

 

Hellboy golden army review: so sense I barely remember this movie (even less then the first one but I don’t how i forget these 2 movies,  there actually my favorites) so ill just list off what I remember….ok so the villain is some Albino type looking dude and he has a twin sister and if he gets injured or killed she well gets injured or killed….there basically linked to each other….also the villain’s sister falls in love with Abe Sapien and well Abe falls in love with her…so there another romance story in this film…also Hellboy in this movie is struggling with who he is because he wants to be accepted by humans but they won’t accept him…heck he comes out of the shadows in this film and helps a baby and he just gets insulted and freaks people out…and a new character comes in this film…a guy named 

Johann Kraus….he is literally a gas cloud in a human shape…and well he wears a scuba like outfit and has a glass tank head…..yeah I know weird…and he’s German….IDK…just thought I would point out his characteristics….anyways at the end of the film the sister kills her self so her evil brother dies…and well that means Abe Sapien doesn’t get a happy ending…and the ending ends with Hellboy and Helen quitting the BPRD and well also Johann Kraus quits as well…odd because throughout this movie he was the guy who follows the rules …and never steeps out of line..but then in the third act of the film, he gives up his morals and goes against protocol to help Hellboy…and just he decides to quit because Hellboy quite….um yeah sure i guess….I mean again I think this is another good film…both these movies have comedy in them…I give this film a 8.4/10

 

 

 

Hellboy 2019 remake review:…oh boy where to begin with this Hell of a mess…first off unlike the first 2 installments…this movie is rated R…unlike the first 2 which were PG-13…and oh and this movie isn’t made by Del Toro…instead its made by Neil Marshall….the reason this movie is rated R for “strong bloody violence and gore throughout, and language….yeah…thats why….so this time around Hellboy is played by David Harbour…some of u know may know him from stranger thing’s……in that show he plays Chief Hopper….also Hellboy in this movie looks a bit different…this time around his personality is of a  angsty teenager….unlike in the original films…where his personality is snarky but yet mature..because he’s an adult…and also this time around he has long black hair…and this Hellboy cusses like there no Tomorrow….so the plot of this movie is that an ancient year old which…aka the queen of blood….(yeah plz don’t ask why as witch is called queen)…but anyways she wants to end humanity and let creatures roam free….um…ok then…so where to start the beginning of this film starts off long ago when king author and merlin are alive….and well king author decapitats the queen of blood…and….sigh…and im sorry for this…cuts her up into pieces and put each body parts into boxes and hide them around the world……….truly sorry…..anyways  now it’s modern day and Hellboy is going to Mexico…sigh ok do u see the problem here so far…were nor even 10 men into the movie and so far is kinda jumbled up…oh BTW this movie has to many monsters…lets see…this film has…the witch,  a human size bat person, giants, Baba Yaga….( for u who do not know who she is…she is a witch who eats children and she lives in a house that has chicken legs and can walk), hell spawn creatures, zombies, ghosts, a giant pig monster henchmen,  and then forest creatures…🤦‍♂️…yeah sure why not…so anyway…one of Hellboy friend gets turned into a vampire bat man..and tries to kill Hellboy and Hellboy kills him..ohhh no not Mexican dude…we knew so much about u…such as …um….he was friend’s with Hellboy…why did it have to be him….ok jokes a side…but seriously movie how am I supposed to feel bad for a character that u give no depth to…also this movie has to much well exposition…Hellboy return to his dad …who is now played by Ian McShane…..and this version of Bloom…is less fatherly and more like tuff and kinda can be stubborn….(yes stubborn thats it..ask nothing else)…so Baba Yaga is telling big giant pig dude to go find blood queen…because he wants revenge on Hellboy….if ur asking why he has it in for Hellboy…well …sigh…just get a load of this…a long time ago hellboy was called by a family who believes there baby daughter named Alice..isn’t there’s…so Hellboy comes and tests it out by putting iron in front of the bay and well the baby transforms into a pig-anoid baby……and apparently those creatures are allergic to iron…and um this was just a bizarre scene…lets just say the baby was cussing and saying to Hellboy…let me go let me fracking go…the fairies will bring the baby back….🤣🤣🤣….the fairies…ok Jesus christ…so this movie is telling me in the world of Hellboy…there’s Baba Yaga and giants and now fairies…ok sure…whatever……so Hellboy gets asked for help by a group called the Osiris club…and he goes and help…they need help to defeat 5 giant’s…yes that’s right a group of people who are trained and are masters at killing giant’s need…help…hm I smell a trap…anyways …a blind fortune teller comes on and tells Hellboy his backstory…its similar to the original…difference is this time Bloom was sent to kill Hellboy and he has a friend along side him named lobster Johnson…🤦‍♂️….yeah u heard that right….its a guy who leaves his mark into enemies forheads…….so yeah now our group goes down to hunt the giants….the Osiris club betrays hellboy and tries to kill him….also wait to u hear what they dress up like….the club dresses up in knight outfit and wear green capes and a hood…and the leader wears a deer head…🤣🤣…yeah sure ok whatever….anyways the club well get killed by a giant…and the leader gets decapitated…and hellboy falls  Unconscious….during this…..the giant pig..goes to a church and brutality kills the monks…and he leaves one alive because…sigh…. only a man of God can speak the words to unlock the box that hold one of the blood queens body parts…and each box is tightened with metal chains…and the pig guy can’t hold metal it hurts him….so he tried to force the guy to speak the words…he refuses…and um….lets just say he ripped the guys lower jaw off…and well …he ends up speaking thr words…how …because the script says so…and he opens the box and there the blood queen head…so back to Hellboy…he wakes up and brutality kills the giants in graphic ways…and thats all I’m gonna say about that…im trying to not gross people out…so if u want to see how gory this film is …look it up on YouTube…and thats if u have the stomachache to look at that stuff…so anyway he gets found by grown up alice…who can see ghosts and hear them and talk to them…and she is a bland character….heck Hellboy doesn’t recognize her at first and the way she has him recall his memory of her is by saying an alice poem…uh huh…ok sure…just why?..why not be normal and say ur name instead of doing s poem….fine whatever…also she is a forgettable character…including another good guy named ( here i forget his name let me look it up…hm let me see…BEN DAIMINO!?) ..what the heck…ok sure because that’s such a kick a$$ name…I give up…so yeah now they go hunt down the witch…who is now stitched back together…font worry this film shows that….and well she wants to date Hellboy because…idk why it because the script says so….so yeah our main groups get to a forest at night and zombies come out of the ground…and alice for some reason can punch the souls out of zombies….um odd I thought zombies have no souls…but fine whatever I guess the script says they do…….while this is happening hellboy goes to the hell to confront blood queen…And she says be my king we can be together u and i….and he …in what is in my opinion the funniest line in the film….we do but this isn’t gonna work because..im a Capricorn..and ur Fracking nuts!….ao alice comes up and blood queen poisons alice by tossing a thorn to her neck….oh no not alice…whatever shall they do with her….so she’s dying and has like hours to live or min yet they are sent to go find merlin…yeah God freaking merlin…and that was a 2 to 3 day walk…and she is alive…how because the script says so…and Hellboy open up merlin tomb and marlin comes to life….…I’m done i give up trying to find logic in this film or anything cohesive …so merlin says…are u here to take me to hell…and Hellboy says no thats the other red dude…ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ….I got it…….so anyways he takes the poison out of her and shows Hellboy  Excalibur…and he tells hellboy is he related to king author…yeah sure whatever…and hellboy refuses to take the sword because if he does the gates to hell will open and all hell will break lose…so merlin dies by turning to dust and a butterfly 🦋 comes out of his mouth…because why not…and it flies in the air and gets eaten by a bird ……..WHAT IS EVEN THIS MOVIE!!….movie plz give me something cohesive or make sense….whatever anyways….our main characters go back to BPRD while blood queen is spreading plague to people….and well hellboy throws an temper tantrum because why not…its because he wants people to get along with monsters…instead of having to kill the monsters…oh woe is him …and he goes into an elevator and gets teleported to Baba Yaga…and she makes a meal for him…thats made our of dead children…how pleasant…..anyway she lets him leave if she gets to take one of his eye…they make the promise and he turns back on his deal and she just kicks him out…ok fine whatever…and he gets  Teleported back…and well they go to blood queen to stop her….and to save his dad….who is kidnapped…and well they get to her…and giant pig is even more giant and him and Ben fight against the pig… I forgot to mention throughout this movie Ben hates Hellboy because you know he hates monsters yet he shape shifts into a jaguar so hes a monster  himself…so anyways they get  Their but kicked and the blood Queen comes in and shrinks the giant pig man to death until he just explodes in a pool of blood….yeah how wonderful….so Bloom gets killed off because hellboy refuses to pick up Excalibur…which he finds again in this building he’s in…and now he picks it up and hell opens up… And this is a scene I am not getting into if you wanna look help how gory the scene is go look it up on YouTube… But I should warn you people don’t look at up if you’re screen mesh and can’t stomach Gore…. The briefly  Summarize this up this scene shows people being ripped in half and skinned alive and a guy’s face being ripped off in graphic ways your welcome…that as much detail I’m gonna give you guys….anyways hellboy decapitats the queen and he makes a terrible joke….he says  “Mrs. You should quit while your a-head”….…….can I quite now…plzzzz….and he tosses her head into hell…and the world is saved because when hell closed up…all demons got sucked back including all thr dead bodies and the blood and the crack in the floor fixed its self…like nothing happened…why…..because the script says so!….and this film ends with our main characters finding abe Sapien in a tank…teasing a sequel…that will never happen because this movie bombed horribly at the box office… oh  And there is a post credit scene where it shows hellboy  at a  graveyard at night at his dads grave and he is drinking ….then the ghost of lobster Johnson appears behind him and tells him to stop crying..and hellboy starts fan boying over the lobster….and the scene ends with Hellboy saying….”I LOVE U LOBSTER JOHNSON!!…ok wow…that just happened”…yes the movie ends with Hellboy saying…wow that happened…..said everyone who say this movie i believe…including me….bluhh this movie is bad…its not just bad it’s offensive to hellboy fans…I give this film a 3/10….wouldn’t recommend it….especially to the weak stomachache people….

 

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